Distance Caregiving: How to Help Elderly Parents When You Can’t Be There
Family Care articles are not a substitute for medical or legal advice from a licensed professional.
A recent PEW Research survey found that one in five adult Americans has provided financial assistance to an elderly family member. Four in ten adult Americans provide emotional support, and three in ten say their parent needs support in caring for themselves. When the child of a senior lives far from their parents, providing this support can be difficult, but not impossible. Below are some ways you can help a parent, even if you can’t be in their home frequently.
Assist with Research
When the current senior generation was in the position of caring for their parents, fewer caregiving resources were available. A lot of that burden fell directly on the family, or on a facility in which the person lived. Those that were available weren’t necessarily easy to find. Today, there are many resources, both online and in the local community, that can assist the elderly, like:
Meal delivery
Transportation to doctors’ appointments
Yardwork, lawn mowing, and snow shoveling
Adult day centers
Personal care providers (includes services like errands, laundry, cooking, and cleaning)
Use Technology
This is about more than video calling with your parent—many everyday technologies have been adapted to assist caregivers of the elderly to monitor their loved ones and keep them safe. Some examples include:
Smart thermostats can be monitored and controlled from an app on your phone. When the weather turns hot or cold, you can make sure your parents have their home set to an appropriate temperature.
Wearable devices are able to detect when their wearer has fallen. From there, they can either call 9-1-1 themselves, or allow the wearer to call. One of the most popular devices with this technology is the Apple Watch, whose recent commercial highlighted how valuable this feature can be. If an Apple Watch is too expensive or too tech-savvy for your parent, there are wearables on the market with the sole purpose of detecting falls, or making it easier for a senior to call for help if they can’t get up.
Wearable devices can also detect if a person has left their house, and send an alert if they’ve left a specific area. This can be especially helpful for seniors with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, if they are prone to wandering.
Home security systems include cameras, door sensors, and motion detectors. Many can be monitored from an app on your phone.
The kitchen is one of the most dangerous parts of the home for seniors. Smart home technologies include stoves and sinks that will automatically turn off if left on for too long.
Electronics sensors plug into the wall and detect if an appliance has been turned on for an unusually long amount of time. They can automatically switch off power when a device has been on for too long. Similarly, many companies now sell motion sensors that plug into an outlet, and can turn on a lamp or other electronic appliance whenever someone walks by.
Automatic pill dispensers that remind seniors to take their medications, and offer them those medications at the correct time of day.
There are many monitoring systems customized for senior care, that even track things like changes in a person’s sleep patterns, changes to what parts of the house they’re in during the day, and changes to their use of the bathroom. With all the options available, there is a combination that can meet the needs of your family’s unique situation.
Be Part of Care Discussions
Training and educating a patient’s family are important responsibilities of a home healthcare agency. If you are listed as one of your parent’s caregivers, your home healthcare team can give you insight into your parent’s care. You can also arrange to be in a video call when the staff member is in your parent’s house, to be a bigger part of the conversation.
In some cases, a family caregiver can communicate directly with the senior’s primary care physician. This can help the physician get a better sense of the challenges the senior is facing, or declines in their health or mental acuity. The physician can then make recommendations for changes to medications, or refer the parent to an agency that can provide the assistance they need.
Arrange for “Senior Proofing”
Even if you can’t be there all the time, you can make changes to your parent’s home to eliminate risks in their day-to-day lives. This includes things like:
Installing a grab bar in the shower or near the toilet.
Replacing chairs with ones that are easier to get in and out of.
Removing area rugs and other tripping hazards.
Ensuring there is a sturdy railing in the stairwell.
A home healthcare staff member can provide recommendations like these for your parent’s home and their specific needs. Occupational therapists in particular are very experienced in providing these types of recommendations to their patients.
Be Listed as an Emergency Contact
In the event of a medical emergency, home healthcare staff will turn to the patient’s intake information to see who to call. If you are listed as their primary caregiver or emergency contact, you’ll be one of the first people they reach out to. If your parent is not under the care of an agency, there are still ways you can be their emergency contact. This can include things like being listed at their doctor’s office, or asking them to put a card with your information on it in their wallet.
When You Visit, Be Alert
Seeing how a senior behaves in person can offer some of the first warning signs of a change in their condition. When you are able to visit your parent in person, make the most of that time by recognizing warning signs.
Know the symptoms of common health problems, like dementia, dehydration, oral health problems, and heart disease. Watch for the early onset of any symptoms.
If they are on new medications, knowing the side effects of those drugs can help you watch for any negative effects.
Check to see if their fridge is stocked, if their home is clear of clutter, and if their yard is tidy. An empty fridge, messy house, or unkempt yard could be a sign that they need additional assistance to complete daily tasks.
If you can, observe them in a situation where they have to pay the bills or check on their bank accounts. Anxiety around financials and using the internet are common for seniors; you can ask if they’d like to arrange assistance if they appear to struggle to manage those responsibilities independently.
Ask them how they’re doing. Emotional support is the most common caregiving responsibility that adults have toward their parents. Loneliness and depression are two major problems in the senior generation. Getting a feel for your parent’s emotional state can be just as important as understanding their physical state.
Caring for elderly parents when you can’t live near them can increase the stress associated with family caregiving. However, understanding ways you can help from your unique situation can help you be effective and involved, even from a distance.